Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
