and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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