I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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