Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
