i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
