Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
