Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
only if we run a train.
done.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
