I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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