I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
