it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
