Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
