I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
