dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
