My hair reeks of homosexuality.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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