Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
