You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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