You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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