she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
