I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
