I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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