Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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