Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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