please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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