he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
