Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
