hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
