You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
