Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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