I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
