you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
