Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
