Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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