She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
