You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
