dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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