I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
