Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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