he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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