thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
