it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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