CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
