Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
