I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
