dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
