And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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