I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
