im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
