I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
