We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
