remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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