my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
