areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is wine microwaveable?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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