How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
