I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
