Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
